Let’s Talk…Big

At eighteen you think you know what you want in a man and lets face it life was simpler. You went out, had a few drinks, met a guy, kissed him, exchanged numbers if you wanted to take it further and Bob’s your uncle and Fanny’s your aunt.

Fast forward almost twenty years, one marriage and one child later and I have three words; “What the fuck!” How is anyone supposed to meet a relatively normal person. Now it is writing a profile that doesn’t sound like you are applying for a job or sitting an exam. To make yourself sound cute and flirty without sounding easy. It is swiping left or swiping right depending on whether you fancy them or not. Then there is the app where you can like a guy but if want to know which guy fancies you then you have to pay extra.

You finally get through that battle field to start to talking to someone who at first swipe/look you think seems normal enough. The conversation starts and you finally think you are getting somewhere only for a day in the ghosting to begin. I mean please we are not ten years old in the school playground, if you are not interested just say thanks but no thanks.

Then you have the one who is only interested in one thing and it is not how you take your coffee, the one who has a girlfriend but apparently they are into a little bit extra, the one who has weird hobbies or life revolves around the gym and the one who is not really sure if he is over his ex.

Come on people where are the normal men? The ones who know what they want, are not into anything kinky, don’t think their lives revolve around how much they can lift in weight or don’t have an ex lurking in the background. Am I asking for too much? I think not but jheez anyone would think I was asking for Tom Hardy to turn up on my doorstep (although if he is available I would not say no).

So it is only fair to answer what I do in fact want? A man who can prove chivalry isn’t dead, a man who can provide and no I am not asking to be a stay at home woman, a man who is not afraid of commitment and a man who can accept we all have a past. A man who is not trying to sort the parental rights over the cat and oh a man with hair! I would not say that is an extensive list and yet the words needle and haystack come to mind.

So I guess the question I ask is, what am I missing? Is there some revolutionary theory between men and women that somewhere between 25 and 37 I missed? And more importantly to the men out there what the bloody hell do you want?

Do you want a woman? Do you not want a woman? Do you want a woman who cares or the elusive type? Do you want us to call or do you not want us to call? Do you like buying us gifts or not? And most of all what do you want to do about the bloody cat? Just make it flipping clear will you!

And to my Big (because the romantic in me still likes to hope he is out there) anytime you want to make yourself known that works for me, the only thing I ask is can you do it with a neon flashing light pointing at you just to make sure there is no confusion.

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